I woke up today, looked online at the CrossFit workout of the day (WOD) and my stomach dropped. I was afraid. It seemed too much, too intense, it was what looked to be about 40 minutes of balls to the wall metabolic conditioning, AKA the stuff I don’t like (lifting is my thing y’all) AKA the stuff I suck at AKA the stuff that is UBER difficult for me. After first shaming myself then pumping myself up I finally rolled out of bed and into the gym. I told myself “just finish” but the fear was still there. Coach said “go” and I started the first move. I finished in under 25 minutes AND had fun. It was a FUN workout. There was nothing to be afraid of!
On the walk home, overheating in my coat and sweating in the winter air, I started to think about what I was afraid of. I mean really, WHAT WAS I AFRAID OF? It wasn’t hurting myself, all the moves were ones I know and am comfortable with. It wasn’t, not completing the WOD, I knew if I started I would finish, So what was it? I’ll tell you what, it was, my ego. I was afraid, I would come in last, not only last but like WAY behind everyone else. I was afraid people would mock me as I flailed and flung myself from move to move, I was afraid people would judge because I would need to scale the moves. I was embarrassed I needed to scale the moves, I used to be SOOOO fit. In other words, I almost skipped a workout for fear of what other people might think. Silly right? I mean I know the only way I’m going to get better is by being uncomfortable and pushing my limits. I know where I want to go and I am willing to put in the work to get there, even if it ain’t pretty. If folks can’t respect that I got ZERO FUCKS to give about them and their opinions. I forgot that, got lost in my ego and took my eyes and mind off my goal. On that walk home I remembered and refocused. #postworkoutclairty Not working out, hell not doing ANYTHING, because I’m worried about what someone else will think, is not who I am and it’s not how I’m going to get to where I want to go. #worryaboutmyself
AND you wanna know what the kicker is, the girl who finished last, killed it!!!! I watched her in awe as she pushed through, clearly uncomfortable, but taking herself to the next level. I watched her huff and puff to the last double- under and I was like, that is one badass boss lady. Changing for the better, isn’t easy, it is a challenge, getting to the next level is work and it’s worth it. I know I need to push myself out of my comfort zone to get to where I want to be and not let fears about failing hold me back from who I can be. I momentarily forgot, now I remember. #yougottawerk